(500) Days of Summer Review

Anyone who “hates Summer” clearly didn’t get the point of this film. It’s supposed to show incompatibility with an extreme realist and an extreme idealist. We only get Tom’s perspective, so it’s easier to sympathize with him while we villainize Summer, when really he’s just as extreme as Summer. Summer is straight and honest from the beginning of what she wants, and Tom ignores it and goes along with it, in the hopes that it might work out in his favor, which in itself is a reciepe for disappointment. Tom is only ever in love with the idea of Summer but not Summer herself. But to be fair, Summer isn’t innocent either.

She was the one who kissed first, she was the one who held hands first, and she was the one who initiated sex first. Despite being the one to set the only major boundary, she initiated the whole relationship in the first place, and as such this fueled Tom’s unrealistic expectations in the hopes they might really end up together. And when Summer reiterated her boundary, given their romantic escapades throughout the early half of their relationship, Tom had a right to be upset.

This doesn’t necessarily excuse Tom’s, behavior, actions and unrealistic expectations, but anyone in that situation would rightfully be upset. It’s wrong to give hope to someone that you didn’t want to be with if all you're going to do is mess around with them. It's unfair and it's not right.

However, Summer also has a right to be honest in what she wants out of her life, regardless of how Tom feels. This doesn't mean you have to use people to figure yourself out, but you can’t expect people, like Summer, to drop everything for others, like Tom, and change how they feel and what they want. Some people don’t know what they want, and that’s okay, that’s life, but some sort of accountability and responsibility must be taken in order for people to grow. For Tom, he didn’t do that.

He refused to see what was happening around him, but Summer did, which is why she ended their relationship and justifiably so. They’re both so different and he refused to see it, but Summer did, which is why she understandably ended their relationship. Despite how they felt about each other, they never would’ve worked out and that’s the point. And yet the one thing I've also learned from watching this film for nearly 15 years is that you shouldn't let someone you like become a priority in your life when all you ever were to them was an option.

Figuratively speaking, there are two things we should never have to chase: true friends and true love. People make time for who they want to make time for. People text and reply to people they want to talk to. You can’t force someone otherwise and you can’t make them make time for you - if they want to, they will. You can't force someone to have feelings for you, and you can't expect someone to come back when you realize what you did to them was a mistake. You shouldn't have to beg someone to love you. You shouldn't have to beg someone to care. You shouldn't have to beg someone to try. You shouldn't have to beg someone to talk to you. And you shouldn't have to beg someone to put you first. If they wanted to, they would.

Everything hurts when you love somebody because love is a decision. Commitment is a decision. You don't commit to someone because you think, "I'm never going to find anyone better..." Because then, what happens if you do? You commit to someone because you say, "I feel it in my bones, I want to be with this person and I'm going to go all in with this person."

Still, no amount of connection or attraction could ever make up for the anxiety that is guaranteed if you remain in a situation with someone that is not reciprocal and isn't going anywhere. It's better to end things and grieve than to be totally anxious all the time. And when we learn to love ourselves, by facing our fears and choosing the unknown when we know what's best for us, we start giving out gifts of our absence to those who didn't appreciate our presence.

You may be good for them. They may not be ready for what’s good for them, and that’s okay. An enormous act of self care and self love is to decide to no longer pursue the attention of someone who is emotionally unavailable to you, or just not on the same page as you. It takes a lot of courage to not let the fear that there's no one else out there to be with get to you. And there's also a lot of strength in letting go of a connection you had hoped was going to turn into something more.

It sucks but there's always a piece of you that will learn from that, and if you loved so much in a situation that wasn't meant for you, just imagine how beautiful it will be in a situation that does! It’s okay to move on and to know your worth. Being selfish isn’t a bad thing, so fill your own cup before pouring into someone else’s.

5/5